The heartbreaking risk of not approaching loved ones about their insurance needs

If you’re one of those advisors who has avoided reaching out to friends and family, you need to know that your avoidance can lead to tragedy, and to understand why it’s important that you change your thinking.

In the year 2000, I had just made a big career leap – from a successful but stressful law practice to running a seminar and sales training business. That’s when I was offered a position as a sales trainer and seminar designer with First Investors, a broker-dealer and life insurance company. 

I obtained all the necessary licenses and went into the field with the company’s advisors to work with them to help improve their sales. 

My “boss” was Marv, who wore two hats: President and National Sales Training Director – also known as the “Director of the University of First Investors.”

A few months into working together, Marv confided in me: 

“I have incurable cancer. I don’t know how long I have.” 

He told me he was grooming me to take over his role. He assured me that based on the work I had already done with advisors in the field, the regional managers would accept me in this role.

Then, he shared a story I’ve carried with me ever since – a story that, hopefully, will change the way you see the important work you do. 

In our sales training sessions, I was already teaching advisors that there were four avenues for obtaining clients: 

1. People you already know, especially friends and family; 
2. People you meet, either randomly or through purposeful networking; 
3. People you find through all your marketing efforts, and 
4. Introductions from all of the above. 

Marv’s story was about the first of these. 

The story that changed my perspective forever 

Marv’s wife had a sister who lived with her husband Alan and their two little girls. While Marv was building his business with random strangers through cold-calling and other approaches, he consciously avoided bringing up life insurance to his own family and friends. He didn’t want to “bother” them. So, he never discussed coverage with Alan, the family’s sole breadwinner. 

Meanwhile, his sister-in-law was begging Alan to talk to Marv about getting coverage. Alan’s reply was always the same: 

“Marv’s busy starting his new career. I’m sure he’ll get to us when he has more time.” 

But time ran out. 

Alan died unexpectedly. He had no life insurance. His wife, Marv’s sister-in-law, was forced to go to work full-time, sell their home, borrow for college, and face a lifetime of ongoing financial struggles that could have been avoided. 

Heartbroken from losing Alan, his wife was also angry at Marv for allowing Alan to die with no life insurance. At the funeral, she told Marv he was never to see his nieces again, blaming him for her financial predicament. While he was out building his business with people he didn’t know, he had never even asked the people closest to him if they were protected. 

It was years before Marv reconnected with his nieces as adults. That moment – hearing the hurt and anger in their mother’s voice, haunted Marv.

And now it came to haunt me – because I’ve seen too many advisors make the same mistake. They tell me they don’t want to “bother” the people they care about or to do anything that could risk damaging their relationships. 

To protect your loved ones 

The truth: avoiding family isn’t kindness – it’s leaving them at risk 

If you see yourself purely as a salesperson, maybe avoiding family feels right. 
But if you see yourself as a protector, a problem-solver, someone who prevents financial disaster – then avoiding them is the opposite of caring. 

Your first avenue for growing your business is the people you already know – especially friends and family. But more importantly, aren’t they the ones you want to be sure are prepared economically for their future? Why would you start with strangers? 

The script that could save someone you care about 

Ever since that conversation with Marv – the first as a sales trainer for advisors and agents and later as a performance coach, I’ve been telling them Marv’s story. If you’ve been manufacturing reasons not to approach the people you care about most, and this story has you seeing that it’s important that you do approach them, it’s not too late. Try something like this: 

“John, Mary, I owe you an apology. I’ve been helping strangers protect their families, but I haven’t offered the same to the people I care about most. 
I was worried you might feel awkward or obligated, but I realize now it’s more important that I make sure you’re covered. If you’re already taken care of, just say so – no pressure. Fair enough?” 

Don’t let silence cause regret 

Agents and advisors who tell me that they have nobody to call are usually fooling themselves. If you need to renew old relationships so that you and someone you’re connected with will be more comfortable talking about investing and protecting their family or business, start slowly. Just reconnect. In the meantime, though, the most important calls you’ll ever make are the ones to friends and family members that you haven’t approached. 

Because if tragedy strikes and they’re unprotected, you’ll regret for the rest of your life that you didn’t approach them.

Pick up the phone today. Don’t wait until “later” becomes “too late.”